I’ve been taught about two types of fear. The real, event-based type, and the thought, projection-induced type. In the first, a snake just slithered into your immediate proximity. Your survival brain, the reptilian part of you, as the universe’s humor would have it, will deal with this reptilian threat at a speed that is up to 400 times faster than what you can perceive and analyze with your neo cortex, and thankfully so. The blood commanded to rush into your legs, adrenaline pumps into your system, and all without having to wait for your slow-poke mind to make out the pattern of the snake and decide - oh, yes, a snake - run for your life… Think of it as a shortcut for survival.

The other type of fear, is the thought-induced, past pattern-based fear, often times projected into the not so immediate to far distant future. Example? let’s take the most common and most feared fear in the US - and no, it’s not death, it’s the fear of public speaking… You know a snake isn’t slithering your way, and a lion hasn’t pounced on you, yet the feeling in your gut is one of constriction and unease at best, and at worst, you wish the ground would swallow you whole rather than walk to that ominous podium… So, what is going on here?

Most often, the formula is as follows. Something about the impending future event (public speaking in this case) is similar enough to a pattern you’ve learned to fear in your past. Perhaps there was a degree of unskillful imprinting on you when you were younger. Maybe it wasn’t even your parents who always tried their best to encourage you. Maybe a snide remark was never made by a teacher. But really, all it took are a few instances where you offered your opinion at the dinner table, at the kindergarten’s courtyard, or later on in class, only to be mocked or ridiculed by a peer, a teacher, or just looked at in a funny way. A simple set of circumstances which may to the grown-up you seem entirely benign, can sear you as a child with shame, embarrassment and other negative emotions. Such emotions will be forever tied in your mind with speaking your mind, or being open and vulnerable to criticism. Your heart got poked and that was painful. Your mind registered the pattern: speaking your mind + people around you looking at you = strong potential for pain… QED: let’s not go there.

Now, how’s that got to do with the presentation you need to make at a company meeting? You’re supposed to discuss numbers, or your analytics data, and that shouldn’t be vulnerable, should it? Not quite… it is very vulnerable to your mind. Your mind only needs a few similarities between the current, present day engagement, and a past, painful formative event or set of events, and the neural network that triggered the original sense of shame (something is wrong with me) will be in full effect and you will want to hide or move to the North Pole. Anything but feel that feeling again.And here we are, moments from your turn to speak, perform, or appear confident, and you are trembling, feeling nauseous and looking pale as your Powerpoint slides. So what can you do?

First, what do most people do? What do you do when you see a snake slithering in your direction? You instantly move away from the threat, right? So our instinct is always to move away from pain and unpleasantness. Away from threat. In the case of the snake, I’d say that’s a wise decision, wouldn’t you? But what about here? Is there a real imminent threat such as in the case of the snake? Will you be devoured alive by the audience? Mocked and ridiculed with tomatoes thrown at you until you rush out the door and leave? Hey, if that’s the case, maybe you should consider a new company environment. If, in your company, mistakes are not fostered as a path for quick iterations, learning and growth, as Byron Katie says, thank your superiors. Why? Because they are showing you where not to be employed and who not to hang out with. But, if the threat is mostly your own thought-generated fears, and you don’t really think that you will be shamed and ridiculed, by all means, let’s go the other way than what our mind tells us. But how?

First, let’s get mindful. It’s not difficult with practice, even children can do it. What does mindful mean? I am not talking Om Shanti Shanti mindful. I am talking about moment to moment awareness of what is going on inside of you. Enlist your witness, that awareness inside of you that knows what is going on and is seeing you tensing up and feeling stomach unease. Create a bit of space between you and your temporary unease by narrating to yourself moment to moment what is going on. “Elevated temperature”. “Quick heartbeats”. "Sweaty palms”. “Short, shallow breathing”… what is common to all of these? They all belong to the basic, or first category of experience: sensations, e.g. - things you can perceive with your five senses. Your body and your breath are allies. Your body is always in the present moment as it doesn’t know past or future. Stay here, stay now. A thought may pop into your mind: “I am going to die on that stage. I am mince meat.” That’s a thought, or the third category of experience (thoughts, beliefs, stories, judgments, etc). Label the thought “fear thought”, and get immediately back to the first category: sensations. “My foot is tapping”. “There are voices in the other room” (sensations don’t have to be just in your body). “Smell of bagels”. “Tummy ache”. Another thought may arise: “you should have prepared better!!”… label it “should” and get back to the first category. “Dry mouth” (take a drink of water then, what are you waiting for?). “Tightness in my chest, dry throat". You get the drill. This is called a labeling meditation. Rinse, repeat. You may be surprised, but after a few moments of practicing this being here and now thing with your five senses, the thought-induced fear may very likely subside or entirely dissipate. See, actual emotions (the second experience category) don’t actually last longer than 1-2 minutes. There’s a caveat though. If you think about your emotions, that’s no longer an emotion, that’s a feeling, and feelings can last forever, looping inside of your mind and driving you nuts. But they are actually thoughts, not emotions - although as you can tell from all of the above, they can bring about the same physical symptoms as the emotions themselves and perpetuate the damage. But I suspect you may know that already.

I like the way Emily McDowell portrays this process in this lovely graphic here. So practice labeling your thoughts and get back to your five senses, and good luck with that presentation, I have confidence you can pull it off!

Let me know if this helps in the comment section below.

Love,

Noam