Here’s a question I got asked recently:
Having done all the work you’ve done, how are you doing these days? Are you beyond suffering?
My 2 cents: if you were to come across a spiritual teacher who claims to have transcended suffering, I posit that your BS detector light should begin to blink red if not fully sending you in the opposite direction. It’s not that such people don’t exist, rather that they are such rare gems (think: Rupert Spira, maybe? People who have transcended thoughts and are at a state of being one with everything throughout their life are a very, very rare breed…) you want to be wary of those claiming to be in such a state without a deep and thorough investigation. What was it that Ram Dass once said? “If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family” - maybe ask to see them again after such a week and then decide?
Now, all kidding aside, and back to the question: Yes, I suffer. In fact, right about now I am Suffering Greatly with a capital S and a capital G. Thankfully (or regrettably - depends on whom you ask), I am keenly aware of my suffering when that is what is up. With gratitude, when possible, and if not thoroughly overwhelming (as it certainly has been during some of the days these recent months) I try my best to allow myself to fully feel it. My mind will want to ask all the WH questions, such as: Why is this happening? What happened in my past to warrant it? Who did this to you? When did it happen exactly? But none of these actually matter. The only WH questions that matter are who is suffering and how can I be of service to him right this moment? In fact, if I could give myself the gift of my “life in words, play by play” book, detailing everything that has happened to me in my life minute by minute, play by play, and I could find the episodes of neglect or abuse and read about them, would I be rid from the suffering? Would that take away the pain from me? Would understanding or being detail informed what happened, when and with whom, be the end of it? Absolutely not. So I do my best to try and not figure it out, or understand, explain and analyze it, but rather allow myself to fully be with my emotions, as big as they may get (and I am not talking the shiny lovey dovey emotions, like happiness and joy, but those “nasty, dark ones” like big anger and grief, very deep grief) and when I am truly not fully blended with them, which is hopefully and gratefully slowly getting to be more often than not (but no way near perfect), I can even tend from my adult self to the parts that are feeling sad, angry, distraught. Speak to them, sing to them, caress them. Tend to these young wounded children, all of whom reside concurrently in the tissues of my body, with their memories (unavailable to my conscious mind’s awareness) trauma and all. But in no way am I beyond suffering.
Anecdotally, I did have the blessing (or the curse, again, depends on whom you ask) of two weeks somewhere in April of 2023 when I was devoid of any uninvited thoughts, slate wiped totally clean, and that was truly heaven on earth, but, alas, it was an awakening of the non-abiding type, meaning - it came and it went. And, arguably, that fall from grace has been a harsh one, once I knew what “enlightenment” felt like, but it served to also profoundly inform my awareness on what I needed to do next and it is painfully all that more informing when I am not there.
So, for those of us who are not as ongoingly blessed as Mr. Spira, what can we do about it?
First, we can become aware. Without awareness in the moment that “this” (whatever this is) is up, we cannot begin to want to or try to do anything about it. Awareness, in a way, is a pre-condition. A doorway. And awareness comes and goes. First it goes more than it comes, but with time and practice it comes more than it goes.
Second, once and if aware, and if not overwhelmingly blended with those big emotions and the accompanying (sometimes terrifying) thoughts, we can invite curiosity and compassion. We can investigate our thoughts without being attached to them. We can observe them, we can love them, we can not judge or begrudge them (thoughts on thoughts), and we can let them go and the emotions can release from the body and be let go and laid to rest (by the way, emotions are a group function, so if you can be witnessed sometimes in your emotional releases, even better).
Now, I can’t stress it anywhere near enough, that these two seemingly benign pieces of advice above are truly only seemingly benign. This might take a lifetime of practice and failure. This might be extremely frustrating (a judgment to itself, furthering us from that blessed state of non-attachment). And yet, what’s the alternative? Being swept away by emotions and undercurrents? Turning away from them using age-old strategies such as addictions (to substances, habits or thoughts) or avoidance, disassociation and numbing? If we choose this path, of looking the other way, life will have to ultimately speak louder to us until it grabs our attention, and if that too still fails, perhaps we leave our soul with no choice but to invite an even more meaningful redo in the next round? And more importantly, when has running away from something really worked for anyone in the long run? The only way out is through. Let us all remember that and bow before the one who has made it so.